Grief doesn’t move in stages. It moves in waves.

You may have heard of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They were never meant as a map, and most grieving people don’t move through them in order.

Grief comes in waves

Many people describe grief as waves: long calm stretches, then something — a song, a smell, a date — and it knocks you off your feet. Over time the waves usually come less often, but they can still be strong.

What helps when a wave arrives

Let it come rather than pushing it away. Tell someone. Keep simple routines going: meals, sleep, a short walk. Be kind to yourself about what you can and can’t manage.

When to talk to someone

If grief feels stuck, frightening or too heavy to carry alone, bereavement counselling can help you make sense of the loss and find a way to carry it.